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doubting myself

I've started packing up my stuff and bringing it home. Goodness, I accumulated a lot of stuff in the last year and a half. Of course, it's all third grade stuff, so lets all hope that I get another third grade position.

I've started getting really nervous at the prospect of moving schools. When I did my student teaching I taught in a severely poor inner city school, where many of the students where homeless and you felt like you had a successful day if nobody was sent to in school suspsension. Then I went to a title one school where things were different...It didn't really feel like a title one school. Resources were more plentiful, parents were more involved, students were more motivated and behaved. When I moved to VA I thought I never thought I would end up where I did. I thought I would teach in schools more like where I student taught. In fact, most of the schools I interviewed in where like where I student taught...except the school where I ended up. I applied only because it was down the street from Jim's house and the wider you cast your net the better off you are, right?

So after spending a year and a half in a school where the school picks up the bill for any little thing you want, the supply cabinets are stocked, parents are ready willing and waiting to come in to do anything for you and the children are basically able to pass the state test on day one, I am nervous that maybe I wasn't a good teacher. Can I do this somewhere else? I'm certainly not going to have my pick of schools after the things that happened this year. Though my principal is thinking about writing a letter of rec, I cannot count on it right now. All I have going for me in the interview process is that I have taught, am fully certified, but what I want to teach is something many teachers want to teach. I want to stay in 3rd grade gifted. There were not many third grade assignments two years ago. Most assignments were 5th grade, which, honestly, I don't know if I can do 5th. I have very very little experience with 5th. (sigh) So I am thinking of casting my net superwide, even applying to schools that are far from my house just to see if I can get 3rd. To be quite honest, I am hoping for one of two scenarios: one is that I get 3rd gifted somewhere and the second is that I get 3rd in a year round school. Year round school has intrigued me since I moved down here. I think it better supports student learning and I would much rather have more frequent breaks than two months off. Plus with intersession if I wanted to teach, I could. If I didn't want to, no sweat either. Plus you get paid more to do modified calendar. So while the whole process is months away (I think I have to wait until May!!!) I am worried about it now. For the last two years I really haven't had behavior problems. For the last two years I feel like I had many things handed to me on a silver platter.

Yet this little voice inside me says, "What if it is BETTER?" Cause it could be. My team, as supportive as they can be, drives me nuts. Getting 5 people to not only get together, but to agree on things happens about as often as Hailey's Comet. My administrators have been completely unsupportive and some of my parents have been total nightmares. I have to keep reminding myself though that at least I am staying within the same district, so it cannot be THAT different in terms of resources, etc. Right?

Before - After

said Jenn on March 05, 2005 at 12:18 p.m.