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birthday blues

I almost feel like I should have some sort of disclaimer on this entry, because it will be pretty whiny and full of self pity.

So today is my 25th birthday. It certainly hasn't shaped up to be anything near spectacular. In fact, the only birthday wishes I received today was from an exboyfriend from college. Sadly enough, it was one I really treated like shit. I was dating him when I fell for Jim. I proceeded to chase after Jim, while still with this guy, dumped him on a Friday, and got together with Jim that night. Sigh...Yet, this is the person who wishes me a happy birthday. Not my friends, not my family. Though to be fair, Jim did come over Wednesday night and brought over a present and we hung out a bit.

Perhaps I should back up a bit, especially since I really haven't updated much this summer. Perhaps if I can explain what has been going on things would make more sense.

Basically what I have learned is that you can never have all aspects of your life going well at once. For instance, I separate my life into three sections: home, work, love life. Last year work sucked. I hated my school (loved my kids, but all else sucked). So I went out and found a new school, which by the way I am loving, and everything else went to shit. This month my roommate moved out and I have had very little luck finding someone else to take her place. Which means that now I am faced with a decision: sell my house or absorb a lot more of the living costs here. I have decided finally after a lot of debating that I should just sell my house. After all, it was a somewhat foolish move on my part. I can't even handle the upkeep on this place. Basically I have been relying on whatever guy is in my life to help me out. Even with little things. There are bigger things that really should be repaired, but I don't really have the means for this. Of course, the nail in the coffin is that I cannot afford to live here by myself. As a last ditch effort to stay I did put out feelers to refinance, but I am not optimistic about this, and figure I will have the place up by the middle of October. With the housing market being what it is, even with the minor repairs that will be left, I am sure I will at least break even. Hopefully I can walk away with a little something though. I think that's the really disappointing thing about selling my house. While there may be a slow down at times in our housing market, the bubble certainly won't be bursting any time soon; had I been able to hold on longer I could have sold for a lot more....oh well.

I already have my sights set on this great place in Arlington. I may have to wait a bit to move in, but Jim has graciously offered to share his basement with me. So I will just have to take him up on that. Which, actually wouldn't be that bad, since it would help me save some money. Which I really need to do after paying for my house solo for two months....

Speaking of Jim. Things are pretty touch and go there. I have really hesitated about being honest about what's been going on in terms of my "love life" especially since I know Jim still reads my journal from time to time. I think a couple of things have made me change my mind. One is that while I have been expressing what has been going on in other venues, this is the place where I have been for the last four years, and I would love to be able to have one place where I can look back on life. And hell, I am 25 now, I am tired of beating around the bush. So here's the low down:

At some point last spring, I started talking a lot with the father of one of my students. I can't say I really know when it happened, but it crossed the line. We started emailing each other every day, and he would be in my classroom several times a week. Of course, for a while I was really unsure what was going on; after all, maybe he was just being friendly, I don't know. It wasn't until June that I was more sure that he was interested in me and saw me as more than just his daughter's teacher. Of course, it was all little things, as we only saw each other at school...finally, on the last day of school, we had a big party for the third graders and he was glued to my side. We had quite a blast, as was noted by his ex-wife, my room mother, coincidentally, and the day ended with a water balloon fight. I nailed him right in the chest, actually.

That afternoon he sent me quite an email expressing interest in keeping up our correspondence and I gave him my personal email address. Since I was not working during the summer, we started emailing even more, some days each of us sending 10 emails to the other. Another turning point came two weeks later, when the new Harry Potter book came out. He was taking the girls out to Borders to check out the hoopla and invited me to join them. We had a fun time. I must admit, I did feel weird at first. In fact, I got there, and I couldn't bring myself to go upstairs. I roamed around the magazines for a while, looked at the stationery, and was over at the sale table when he found me. It was fun to hang out with his girls outside of school. They had this table where you could try those bertie botts beans and the girls convinced me to try one, and of course I got dirt. Yuck!

Before - After

said Jenn on September 25, 2005 at 2:39 p.m.