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July 01, 2006
day 7
June 30, 2006
day 6
June 29, 2006
day 5
June 28, 2006
day 4
June 27, 2006
day 3

Anyone else getting these emails? "Your Potential Account Will Be Deleted" Well, you know what? This is like the 2099432 email you have sent me TODAY saying that, so just freakin' do it already! Damn. I really hate spam. I hate spam because the people in my program send me enough damn email. So then my email fills up and then I don't get everyone's one line email about some new assignment they whipped up because nobody has a life. *sigh*

I went out with V tonight. It was kinda spur of the moment, as V usually operates this way. She called and wanted to go to Sweet Home Alabama. Having seen it just last night with Jim, I was all set. So I suggested White Oleander. I KNOW I was deadset against seeing the movie before I read the book. But I also figured that I have like NO time to read anything for pleasure. This book is wicked long too. I reserved it at the local library a few days ago anyway.

First we went to CVS for some snacks. I got some candy corn because I feel its not really autumn until I have some candy corn. I have lost my affinity for candy corn. I had a handful and was all set. I also bought some reese's peanut butter cups to bribe the kidlets for my videotaped observation on Tuesday. That should do the trick, right? I might add - this was my mentor's idea, in case you want to get all huffy, not that I actually care. Anyway, the great thing is that there is 12 of them, plus one for my teach, so that makes 7 for me. Whee! Like I need PB cups on my "diet" but who cares. I really love those things!

Thankfully the movie was a discount, so I did not feel too bad blowing 5 bucks on it. It was really good too. If you are looking for something to do with Monday off, see it.

Then we went grocery shopping. Having just gone last week, I needed more food like a hole in the head. But noooooo, I had to get more food. Everything was either on sale and/or I had a coupon, in my defense. I got new toothbrushes, because I don't even know how old the one I have now is. Plus the ones Jim uses are on sale, and his is really snazzy. Then I got some ground turkey, because it's supposed to be better than ground beef, and it was buy 1 get one free. Then I got some hot pockets, since they were a dollar off, and I had a coupon - buy 3 get one free. I got some more spaghetti sauce since it was on sale, plus I had a dollar off coupon. Then I got some rice a roni since it's the san francisco treat. So my grocery bill came to 19.21. I saved 19.61 though so I was thoroughly impressed.

So total damage came to: 26 something for the evening. I have decided I can't buy any more books from book clubs. AND I am not going grocery shopping for the rest of the month AND I am not going out for the rest of the month. Case closed. Not like I am in dire straits or anything, but I shouldn't be pissing through my loan either. I am either going to use it for my car/new car or I am taking a smaller portion next semester in hopes of lessening my debt. Of course, in my perfect dream world, I will get my loan paid through those cool teacher incentive programs. That would be stellar. Then I could have this money AND not have to pay it back. Best of both worlds. If I knew like right this second I am getting my loan paid I would get that new car for Christmas. The college grad program is supposed to expire at the end of the year, and I figure that will allow me to finish up my semester of commuting to my pre-prac.

Jim teases me about trying to plan so far ahead, but see, everything always works out for him. He graduates, doesn't have a job, he can live at home. Without going crazy no less. I suppose I could go to my parents house, but they would drive me crazy and I wouldn't find a job while I was there. Point is, I need to have some sort of financial security. I have never known that. My parents have no concept of financial security. They spend my father's paycheck faster than he can cash it. Seriously, he gets paid on Friday, and it's GONE by Sunday night. Often by Saturday afternoon. My parents have talked about buying a home for years. Instead they buy playstations, dvd players, sound systems, living room sets, etc. Oddly enough, they don't have credit cards. In a way that's a good thing though. For years they drove cars you expect more in a high school parking lot than as the family car. Somehow they managed to get a gently used Saturn last year I still marvel at that. But my point is that I don't want that. Granted, I indulge myself. When I want something, I usually hem and haw a bit, but I usually get it. Sometimes it is a bit frivolous. I have an Ann Taylor dress in my closet that I won't be able to wear for probably another 6-7 months, but it was cute so I got it. I have a Kate Spade purse. I don't even like using purses. Okay, bad examples there because I am trying to change my image. But seriously, I plan because I don't want to wake up months or years for now and be in a bad place literally or figuratively. That scares me. I've been there, as a small child. It's not a great place to be. I don't want to worry about making rent. I don't want to have to choose between being warm or eating. I know that sounds extreme...sorry. But anyway, my larger point was that I need to know what direction I need to set myself in. People like Jim find great jobs that pay them well, that they love, find nice cozy places to live that don't break the bank. Wow, I wish I could just stumble upon people I graduated with to live with in a great apartment for cheap, in a great neighborhood close to where I work. Sometimes I wonder if Jim is a pod person or something. Things just always go well for him. Always. Okay, not fair. They don't just land in his lap per se. He works really damn hard. Really hard. I can attest to that. He is guaranteed to be the first person in the office, and the last one to leave. But at the same time, he has had a lot of breaks too. I had hoped I could share some of that good fortune...you know, graduate, find a great job near DC, move in with him...be deliriously happy. I don't think that is what he wants. Does he think that I don't understand his desire to work himself to death? Okay, put like that, no. But seriously. He talks about wanting to focus on his career for a few more years, and I understand that. It's not like I am going to have some 9-3 job just because that is when the kiddies are there. My first few years I plan on loooong days honing my skills, crafting lessons, prepping and the like. But even if I was home it's not like I expect him to be there. I just thought it would be nice to have dinner together sometimes and in the middle of the night roll over, reach out, and have him be there. Besides, where else do I have to go? I don't want to go back to my "hometown". I don't want to stay in Amherst. I thought about going to the Cape to teach, but I couldn't do that right away anyway to qualify for the loan payment program. If I wasn't going to be with Jim I would just be in some random place anyway. So why not be with the man I love?

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