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July 01, 2006
day 7
June 30, 2006
day 6
June 29, 2006
day 5
June 28, 2006
day 4
June 27, 2006
day 3

I've been sitting at my computer for the last two hours, trying to think of how I was going to say the thoughts running through my mind.

I was all set to have a quiet Saturday night, watch some episodes of Cheaters, perhaps a little SNL. As I was watching Cheaters, I cruised through the like 10 channels I get. On MSNBC there was breaking news of a possible sniper attack in Virginia.

My thoughts turned to Jim, and though I figured he was not in the area, I called him anyway. He called me back and he told me something that made my blood run cold. Wednesday night he was at that very Ponderosa eating dinner. See, his thoughts were - and who can blame him, that further south was a safer place to be. Now we know that's not quite the case. It makes me very nervous. More so for him than for his housemate/my friend. He's always in Falls Church (he lives there), DC (he works there), and Fredericksburg (his family lives there). I mean, damn. Can't he just be safe, please? Is that too much to ask for?

As the story developed, and it came out that the latest victim was with his wife, it made me think. I could not even fathom experiencing that. I think my heart goes out more to her than to the victim himself. Only because I cannot imagine the sense of helplessness you have when something of that nature happens to the one you love.

It makes me wish I don't love Jim, that I don't care as much. But I do. It hurts so much.

I also realized how much I take for granted. Life in Amherst may be interesting, and it might drive me crazy, but I certainly did not fear my life as I walked from my house to town on Friday.

You know what else I have been thinking about? A night like tonight makes me realize once again how fleeting life is. How much you need to enjoy every day. Ever since September 11th I question my choice to stay in MA. At times I just want to pack my stuff and drive down there and start my life with Jim. You can sit and think, oh, you are young, you have your life ahead of you, you can wait. But can you? Should you? If Jim asked me tomorrow to get married, I would. I would go to the closest Justice of the Peace...but such is not my choice to make. Such differences between Jim and myself...

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