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July 01, 2006
day 7
June 30, 2006
day 6
June 29, 2006
day 5
June 28, 2006
day 4
June 27, 2006
day 3

Sometimes I sit here and I wonder why people come and visit my little niche on the web.

Cause seriously, who am I? I am girl on the brink of graduating college, I have a worthless Bachelor of Arts degree from four year of studying Political Science.

I am a Republican, which for whatever reason is equated with being a repugnant, coldhearted human being.

I want to be a teacher. I love working with children and have been working in an elementary school for the four years I was in college.

I have a boyfriend. We go through our ups and downs, but it seems to revolve around the fact that he is in Virginia, I am in Massachusetts, and my fixation that we should get engaged. We have been dating for three plus years now, and I know in my heart no matter what that he is the one. It is one of those things you feel like you would only read about, where people feel so comfortable with each other, yet have the capacity to feel such passion; where you truly love to talk with them, and can about anything; one of those kinds of love that despite their quirks and your own you know you can live that "happily ever after."

If I believed in God, I would thank him every day for having Jim in my life.

I feel like I have changed a lot over the past year. I felt so scared and alone when Jim left on graduation day. I had just lost my best friend, and faced three months alone with the person I feared the most: myself.

But with that experience I feel I really found myself. I always found that to be such a bullshit thing to say...what do you mean find yourself? Yet I had spent so many years as a chameleon, I became whatever I needed to become to stay in a relationship. Somewhere along the way the security of being in a committed relationship, yet the distance between us allowed me to blossom into the person I am today. No apologies.

I feel like such a burden has been lifted from my shoulders.

Another good change is that not only has my soul become lighter as a result of the burden being lifted, but I have worked hard over the last few months to shed this weight that really seemed to hang round my neck like the proverbial albatross. I hated my body, hated myself. I cannot say that I LOVE the way I look now, but losing even a little bit of weight has made such a difference.

What else can I say about myself? I love to write, even when it is little one liners that seems to bore my readers as I have been told. Sometimes I feel like I have to express every thought in my head. Sometimes having something on the screen is such an empowering thing for me. I do go back and read my own entries and I feel like having written 600 entries (I delete some now and again, but its roughly 610) has given me the opportunity to chart the course I have taken this past year.

I would not give this up for the world. But still, I wonder what makes my story different, my story special. Perhaps that is just it; my story is not all that different, nor is it special. Maybe I will never understand.

Before - After