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July 01, 2006
day 7
June 30, 2006
day 6
June 29, 2006
day 5
June 28, 2006
day 4
June 27, 2006
day 3

Loneliness: My last rant of the day, I think.

Yeah, so since almost all my friends are gone, and everyone else around seems to have a life, I feel pretty damn lonely.

I actually thought about calling up A. tonight and seeing if he wanted to do something, because he said I should call him this weekend if he wanted to do something, but I did not think Jim would like that much, and I wasn's so sure myself if it was a good thing. Not that I like him or something like that, it would just be odd..maybe I am just thinking too hard about this. Well, going out to a bar or something with a guy who is thirty seems kinda odd to me. I know it would be fun, a lot more fun that sitting here watching stupid crap on TV like What I Like About You or whatever crap I was watching on WB. Damn, my life sucks.

It is my last weekend being 21 and I already know how it is shaping up: I am going to go to bed in like 15 minutes, and tomorrow I am going to do work and read children's books. I will be going to bed at some lame ass time like 10:30 again no doubt. Then Sunday will roll around and I will probably continue to do other lame things. Cause my. life. sucks.....a lot.

I thought about rolling down into town and going to a bar, but I felt that would be pretty damn lame if I was by myself. I could put on some UMass brand skankwear, guaranteed to get at least a free drink, but is it really worth it? Then I guess I would be obliged to actually talk to the guy. Heh. Nah, better to be lame in the privacy of my own home. The other thing is, damn, going to a bar can be expensive. I have been going out on Wednesday nights with people in my program and it's ridiculous. I got a Bacardi Silver (one!) for like the price of half a six pack. I definitely could have just gone to a packy and had a better deal. I was not happy.

So yeah, I don't think I will be doing THAT again. First of all, I go out with these people and basically listen to the conversations around me, since not many people actually include me in them. It's not I have not tried either. Don't get me wrong. Do I have cooties? I am starting to wonder. So yeah, between feeling alone but being surrounded by people and the price that is attached to feeling invisible and lame, I am going to opt out. Oh well.

My current goal is to get a chunk of my car paid off so that when I graduate I can finagle my way into trading my car for something better. Not to knock my cute little car, but yeah, I guess I am, because I really don't like it. It has too many miles on, it doesn't have a CD player (very key) and I have come to realize how much I like auto doors and windows. Superficial, yes. But I don't care. I am looking at either a Toyota or a VW. Who knows though. :)

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