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July 01, 2006
day 7
June 30, 2006
day 6
June 29, 2006
day 5
June 28, 2006
day 4
June 27, 2006
day 3

I was going to write about this yesterday, but I got all caught up downloading episodes of Family Guy. :)

I was filling out a survey two days ago, and one of the questions asked "If you could make a selfless wish for one other person, what would it be?" Now, I'm sure it's possible, I am not even going to get into the Friends-esque discussion of selfless good deeds and such, cause I am sure it is possible, but I think it's pretty unlikely.

I started thinking of every possible thing I could wish for for someone:

My brothers: to get into the college of their choice Now, while this would be great for them, I would get something out of this, because it's important for them to go to college
Holly: to get her own house and finish school Again, something that would be great for her, something that she wants, but also something I want for her
Anything I wished for Jim would be selfish, even if it was something he wanted as well.

I guess what I started thinking that anything I would wish for to happen to someone I care about would not be selfless because I care about them. Basically I would have to wish something for someone I do not know. But if I had the opportunity to wish something for someone, why would I do it for someone I don't know over someone I do?

I had a dream the night before (not last night) and I think it says something especially in terms of my freak out last night. I had a dream that I was back in Amherst, and I was with two people from my masters program. In my dream they kept ditching me places, restaurants in town, and just before they would pop out of sight, they would egg me on to find them. In the beginning, I ran into Ex, and he said he would help me, hang out with me until I found them. A little while later he ran into a girl, and he decided to ditch me and hang out with her.

I thought about it off and on all day yesterday. What it meant and such. Those two people, gosh did I want to be friends with them, and they really did not want much to do with me. In fact, as it turned out we were pretty much opposites on a lot of issues, so I think it would have been difficult to be friends anyway. But it still hurts. I remember saying to one, since he was across the hall from me in the fall that I thought it was interesting that we preach to the kids that everyone should play together, it's not okay to exclude someone...yet we do that as adults. And I didn't mean the "we" as a general, like all adults, not that I don't think they do. I meant him, and his friends. He knew what I meant and after that he pretty much stopped talking to me altogether. My favorite moment was at a graduation reception, when I was introducing Jim to people, and I went to introduce Jim to him and he blew it off, saying that they had already met. A lie, since Jim had never been to either a class or my school in the fall. What an ass.

The Ex thing was interesting too. As I have mentioned before, Ex is the one I broke up with to start dating Jim. For quite a while after he pined for me, and this intrigued me...after all what girl does not want to be wanted? I think in the beginning I was jealous when he started dating again. Not because I wanted him back (god no) but just because that meant he would not want me anymore. Whatever. I got over it, and we still talk off and on.

This reminds me, I need to update my cast page.

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