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July 01, 2006
day 7
June 30, 2006
day 6
June 29, 2006
day 5
June 28, 2006
day 4
June 27, 2006
day 3

Still no voice.

Jim's been such a trooper though. I on the otherhand, keep feeling the need to fill the silent void, and try to whisper things even though I know I really should stop. Of course, tomorrow afternoon I leave for my parents, and I realize that there it doesn't really matter whether I have a voice or not.

I'm kinda on pins and needles about this trip. I'm excited, since I haven't been in Phoenix since we moved the summer of...geez, was it really 1993? It's been 10 years and I feel it, I tell you that. I bet a lot has changed, I remember feeling that way when I came back to MA, and we had only been gone 5 years in that case. The weather change will be nice. I have been scoping out the weather channel online for days, and it proclaims weather in the 70s. Since I am at this moment freezing my ass off at a cool 35, it can't get much better than that.

Now that the time is upon me, I feel whiny inside, why did I book a 10 day trip? Deep down I know it was because well, the tickets (even with Jim's free one way voucher) were big bucks, so it hardly seemed worth it to do my normal stints. Part of me feels badly about the situation because in a teeny tiny way I feel guilty about my life. I have the life my mother wanted. I am single (of course not by choice and by single I mean not married), no kids, good salary. At this point in my mother's life she had a 3 year old, and was living with her parents. I don't know what kind of job she had, but she's never had a good one. Every so often when I look at my paycheck I think about high school when I filled out the waiver for SAT fees and I know now that my parents made less than I do now. I am one person, making more than my parents supporting 5 people. But I guess it will not do anyone any good to dwell on it. I just remind myself that I had to bust my ass to get here, and I still bust my ass, but I love what I do, so its not like I feel resentful that I "bust my ass." I know I could by like my teammate that cruises in on contract time and leaves shortly after the kids. The one who asked me for a copy of the test that took me and two other teammates FIVE (I shit you not) hours to make. NO, I will not just HAND you that. I am nice, but not stupid, honey. Heh...I re-gifted her yesterday. I got tea as a present (actually I got tea from two different people - I wish I did not think it was like drinking warm piss) and so I passed it off on her. It was nice stuff though, so I don't feel all too guilty.

So I guess I am signing off for until the New Year. I am really sad because this will be the first New Year since Jim and I started dating that we won't be together. I will come home on New Years Day.

Wow.

Home

As I typed that, I realized what I had said, and also realized that I really do think of VA as home. It gives me this teary but warm feeling. I remember when I first got that feeling about UMass. It was when when I came back from spending the weekend in Boston celebrating my 18th birthday. I saw those (ugly) towers of my campus and was happy to be back home.

They say that home is where the heart is, but I think there is more to it than that. If I knew what that was, I would be off penning a Times best seller, but I just know I'll be glad when I am back to it.

Happy Holidays everyone!

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