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Diaryland

July 01, 2006
day 7
June 30, 2006
day 6
June 29, 2006
day 5
June 28, 2006
day 4
June 27, 2006
day 3

18 days...it's hard to believe that it's been 18 days. I think a little bit of it has to do with me being in denial.

After a lot of thought and a lot of tears I have decided to leave my school. I signed the resignation notice and my hands shook and tears fell as I handed it in.

You can certainly imagine that this is not what I expected when I walked through the doors of my school for the first time. I figured that I would be there to see my little guys become 4th, 5th, 6th graders...that I would cry when my first class left for middle school. However, the situation with my principal has spiraled out of control and I no longer think that my school is a supportive environment for me.

I am a perfectionist. If I am going to do something, I set very high standards for myself, and even if it is pointed out how unreasonable they may be, I persist. At my school I would have burnt out I think. Because while I have high standards, my administration has even higher standards, with no regard to the fact that half + of our staff is in the midst of their third year or less of teaching. This is a school where the expectation is that you pull long hours. I am there until 7 at night, and I would probably stay later some days but the door to the building is locked and I don't feel safe out in the trailer after that. It's a school where you are constantly expected to be taking classes, teaching classes, constant streams of professional development. Don't get me wrong, I think teachers need to learn about what's new and innovative, and work on areas that challenge them. You do need to let people breathe though. How does one fit in the 12 hour days at school and the professional development and still have a life?

Needless to say, I am a little scared about this move. There are things that I love about my school. I love the kids. I love that the parents are willing to donate whatever they have, be it time, money, or resources. I love that my school is not hurting for resources. I know that I always have my basics. If I want some books ordered, they are. In truth, I don't have to pay very much out of pocket. When I do it is truly by choice, not because of necessity.

So I don't know what my new school will bring. At least with this change I know a little more about what I am looking for...and what I can't deal with. The biggie for me is that I want to stay in 3rd grade...I could move to the 4th, but I know pitifully small amounts of VA history. :)I know there are always vacancies in 5th but really 8/9 year olds are my comfort zone so I don't know how I feel about that. Fortunately I should know where I am going before the end of this school year.

It's really tearing me up though to get through these next 14 or so weeks. Knowing that I won't work with my mentor anymore...I want to cry every time the new teacher on our team talks about next year and what we should do. Grrr...

I just try to remind myself that I can be a better teacher for my kids when I am in a more supportive environment. Plus the great thing is that maybe (if I still want to) I could come back to my school in a couple of years. After my administration is gone...which I don't think will take long really. They have mentally checked out already.

Before - After