I was going through some old notebooks and I found some "diary entries." When I would get bored in class I would either write Jim a letter or I would write little journal entries.
September 25, 2000
Dear Diary,
I feel so old. I'm 20 now. I used to spend so much of my childhood looking forward to high school graduation and my eighteenth birthday. Well, now that I'm past those milestones I don't know what to focus on.
I think this year I may try to just focus on today. I know it's this novel idea, but I've been so stressed and even kinda unhappy so I have to do something.
November 6, 2000
I came up with a plan. I am rewarding my good behaviour in hopes of changing bad habits. For example, every day that I exercise for at least 10 minutes I get a star. If I walk for at least 20 minutes I get a star. If I can get 3 stars I can go get a new nail polish! :)
I'm not sure what sort of reward to use to encourage going to class. So far I have missed eight classes. I figured it out and I have 80 classes this semester...that's ten percent I have missed! I'm hoping to accomplish two goals: attend more classes and lose weight!
December 4, 2000
Today is our 20 month anniversary. I can't help but find it amazing that I still love Jim very much. I mean, my longest relationship was about 6 months, so this relationship has been three times as long. Also, I must admit that I was nervous about how our relationship would be affected by us living together.
December 11, 2000
Is it okay to be this scared? I am very scared about the future. I really want to get my degree in teaching BUT I don't think I want to get it at UMass. So then I wonder, well, where should I get it? Well I don't have an idea yet. Cost will certainly be a factor. Also I look at what it will mean in regards to other life choices. Teachers don't exactly make a lot of money. Not that money is super important, but I do want a comfortable life - two kids, two cars...So then I think about law. Law school is going to be so hard. And expensive. So either path is going to be tough.