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July 01, 2006
day 7
June 30, 2006
day 6
June 29, 2006
day 5
June 28, 2006
day 4
June 27, 2006
day 3

Jim's quick visit was lots of fun. We went out for dinner on Thursday after class and managed to catch the football show they do. It's homecoming weekend so I thought it was quite ironic that Jim was here.

Friday I went to class, and after class we spent hours lying around in the hotel room. It was nice. Then we went to see Sweet Home Alabama. Such a good movie. I think Jim actually liked it too.

But now he's gone already. So sad. I worry about him going back to VA. The latest shooting took place close to his brother's high school.

When's the last time you remember feeling safe?
You're surrounded by assassins in this place

So I don't know when he's coming back. At least it's not never. Jim says he will be back before we know it. But I just miss him so much already. He's thinking of accepting an offer to kinda do two jobs before his promotion. I worry about him. Not because it means I won't see him as much. I just worry he will work himself too hard. I don't think he has a concept of working too much or too hard.

How can you say that I don't wish you well?
I wish you well.

We drove past our old dorms and it amazes me how much our lives have changed. I was telling Jim how I miss those days. I wouldn't necessarily want to go back to relive them though. But it was nice. I think the past two months have been really tough. I feel like we live two separate lives, whereas once they were entangled in spots. It's not that I did not think this might happen, I'm just hoping that our paths can cross again after I graduate. Today marks 250 more days to go. Not that I am not excited or anything.

'Cause the truth is you won't care anymore
Till your world comes crashing down again.

When we talk about June, moving to Virginia, Jim doesn't seem happy. He always asks if I am doing it for him. I don't know what he's thinking but I hope he realizes this is what I want. Sometimes I wonder if he actually likes having me be so far away. So then he cane see me when he wants to see me. But that's not fair.

But you wanted to be here and I'm amazed.

Whenever I start to wonder about his intentions with our relationship I just remind myself that as hard as it is on me, it is just as hard for him. And he hasn't run away yet, so that's a good sign.

Even though you left this place before

I find myself wanting to protest and get upset when we talk about the future. Last night it was that he doesn't want to get married for a few more years. It's frustrating to me because we still have another 8 months of a long distance relationship. Then for him to wait for 1-2 years, and then I would like to be engaged for a year...I'm going to be old. *g* I think it's that he and I look at being married differently. I think about it as, meeting the right person and wanting to spend the rest of your lives with them. Then you know you are ready. Whereas, he seems more focused on himself, what he wants to do before he marries.

and when it seems like nothing's going to change
Then your world comes crashing down

Right now it doesn't matter. Because we aren't in a place where we can make those kinds of decisions anyway. I don't have a job in Virginia yet. I don't think we could really get into this for some months now. But part of me worries about coming out there, spending another couple of years with him, to have everything unravel. Then what?

Wasn't I the one who caught you when you fell?

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