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July 01, 2006
day 7
June 30, 2006
day 6
June 29, 2006
day 5
June 28, 2006
day 4
June 27, 2006
day 3

"You don't know now...how much pain you made her feel..."

As I read through Jim's old emails, as I add them into my journal's private folder, I feel so sad.

What happened to us in four years where we don't write things like this anymore?

I read his words, things he says like There will never be another love in my life, you are it, the ultimate, the end of my search and the beginning of my journey. or Thank you for letting me kiss you and hear you. I want nothing more than just being near you.

Hell, there were so many emails just like that, and I don't want to share too many of the words meant solely for my eyes.

You know, that first summer was tough. We had only been dating shy of two months when he went off to VA and I went down towards the Cape. It was kind of ironic to me that we had been together two months and then had to spend three apart. I felt like it was going to be a big test. But we made it work. We talked online...in those days I did not have a computer (I had WebTV) so we talked in chat rooms, and we emailed constantly. Every so often we would chat on the phone, but that was kind of a no-no.

Now I know that its not fair to compare our first summer with this year. In the summer we were not in school (obviously), and we had little part time jobs. Now he has a career and I am pursuing my masters. But sometimes it is tough for me. I try to keep my eye on the prize. (only 16 more weeks!!!!!!!!) But these days our conversations revolve around school or work. And emails are either forwards or requests for something. *sigh*

It's not that I feel the romance is gone...I don't know what my problem is exactly, I guess.

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