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July 01, 2006
day 7
June 30, 2006
day 6
June 29, 2006
day 5
June 28, 2006
day 4
June 27, 2006
day 3

Still haven't seen Jim since last time I updated. He says he has tonsilitis.

Note that I said "says." I don't know how to quelch it, but something inside me says to doubt it. I don't really want to doubt it, why would he say he was sick if he wasn't? I just feel like things have been fishy since we got back together (3 months on the 15th!). I still don't think he's told people we are back together. I haven't seen his family or friends in many many months. The only people who have seen us is his roommates, and there really isn't any getting around that anyway. Of course, when I think about it, it seems so odd, it doesn't seem to make sense...Lets look at the options...

Is he seeing someone else? Not that it's unlikely, but why get back together with me then? It really doesn't make sense. Of course, it also seems unlikely since he barely sees me as it is, so how would he have time for someone else. Of course, it's the not seeing me part that has me all bugged out.

On the job front, of course not much has changed. I asked the school librarian for a letter of rec on Friday. She was very supportive and understanding. I feel like this is such an impossible task right now, with the conflict between me and my administration. I feel like without their stamp of aproval I am going to have such a hard time finding another position. At the same time, it makes me so mad, here I am, a licensed teacher who will have two years under my belt (which is not much, I know, but since most teachers quit before the end of the third year, in a sad way it IS a lot) and here I am doubting and wondering if I will have a job next year.

In the end, it all comes down to my biggest character flaw - a severe need for control. I hate uncertainty. I need to have a plan of action, I need to know what is going to happen and how I am going to deal with it. So not knowing what I will be doing in (shit! six months!) is driving me NUTS!!!!!!!!!

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