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July 01, 2006
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June 30, 2006
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June 29, 2006
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I saw this on someone's diary

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this was included in the brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boys', Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my favorite applications.

I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but un-install does not work on this program. Can you help me, please?

Thanks Joe

- - -

Dear Joe,

This is a very common problem, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that the latter is merely a 'Utilities & Entertainment' program. Wife 1.0 is an operating system and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to un-install, delete or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0, but end up with more problems than on the original system. Look in your manual under 'Warnings: Maintenance/Child Support'. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPF's). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command "c:/apologize". In any case avoid excessive use of the 'Escape' key because ultimately you will have to give the "apologize" command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPF's.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system. Some people are now preferring to install Partner 1.0 or Companion 1.0, these being equivalent programs.

The installation of these more modern operating systems can permit everything that Wife 1.0 offers, but without having to commit to a license agreement. It also frees the users from some of the restrictions on input/output ports and can, under some circumstances, free the user to install A Bit On The Side 1.1 or variants such as Toy Boy 2.0. This is in line with modern open systems, but does require more vigilance on the part of the user to ensure that viruses and other unwelcome intrusions do not occur. Generally, this means the installation of some anti-virus software such as Condom 3.2. None of this was generally necessary when using Wife 1.0 except for the possibility of expansion of the motherboard. All sorts of problems could then ensue.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

Before - After