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| July 01, 2006 |
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I am so upset. I can barely see the screen through my tears. I give up. I two years, three months and seven days with someone that I thought loved me. its amazing how you can be mistaken for so long. I wrote him this nice email last night, you know kinda like the one I had hoped to get from him, he was on for a half hour after I sent it. 16 hours later, still no response. I called him tonight, about 10 minutes ago to let him know about the mail he got from the university. He did not even mention the email then. He just babbled on about the newspaper he had worked on here at school. And then he said he had to go....I was keeping him from his dinner. I tried to stop myself, but I started to cry. He picked up on it (at least he is not totally heartless) and asked me what was wrong. What was I supposed to say? "Sorry that I cant pick up on your hints that you dont want to be with me anymore? Sorry that I am still in love with you, and I dont want to admit that we're finished?" I continued to cry and he complained that his hamburger was getting cold. So I hung up and threw the phone against the wall. It;s broken now, laying on the floor. Oh well. I had bought the phone for him anyway. I burried my head in my pillow and sobbed. The horrible kind that make your head hurt and make it hard to breathe. I had this fantasy/hope that he would call back and say he was sorry. and that he loved me, and did not mean to be so cruel. But he didnt
Instead here I am, crying at my desk, half a box of crumpled tissues all over. Why did this happen? What could I have done differently? What did I do wrong? If I never hear from him again, it would be too soon. My heart hurts so much. I feel like a part of me has died, you know? But I guess that's true. Two years of my life is gone. I don't think the pain will ever go away. I'm going to go throw up.
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| said Jenn on 2001-07-11 at 7:24 p.m. |